"Jesus loves the little children...but some adults..."

We finish our training this Saturday...yikes! It is amazing how quickly this has gone by. Our documentation manager (not sure what she is really titled, so I gave her a new one) let us know we are almost ready for the home study...again, yikes! We have all of the appropriate paperwork done and now we have some appointments, inspections, and mapping to do to close out our process. Through all of these trainings, I have noticed a trend in the people we are with. Those that know what they want seem to be the most comfortable with their spouse, asking questions, and are avid note takers. Those who are unsure on what to do laugh at inappropriate times, barely speak, and doodle instead of preparing for the process about to take place. Those who do not want to be there have not come back. The only thing we have wavered on was what age we wanted to take. After a confirmation from our 7 year old niece, it has been decided we will take anything under 6 (boy, girl, ethnicity).

While my brother would prefer a boy and my dad prefers we not "go outside our race for the sake of the child"; we are comfortable and willing to take whoever God needs us to. We on the other side are praying for our families to have open hearts and minds about who walks in our doors. While on this particular subject, I have been very surprised at how picky some people have been about which child they will allow in their home. More specifically, how many do not want to go out side of their race...wow. I am not sure why they are, but they are. It seems to me if you are there to minister to these kids, race would be the last thing you would take into consideration. I am not judging, just observing. I forget not everyone is as easy-going, accepting, and willing as Dustin and I are. It is not a bad thing on their part, just eye opening for us. 

I have found myself wanting to take in these "behavior issued" children more and more each day. These are the ones most likely to set your house on fire. While some are scared or only want, "normal" kids, I want these that have to be closely watched. Mostly because, they are the ones that need the most love. They need you to be there, they need to know they are not destined to be unlovable, they need to be kept out of prison, they need to be adopted, they simply need someone to see the good in them and help bring it out. You see the most reward in these kids. Having this desire stirred in my heart, I have the feeling, God may be trying to tell me something. We will see!

Even though I am beginning to stress about time, cleaning, appointments, engagements, etc. I am taking comfort in my Strength who says I can rest in Him. I am at peace that the One who is asking me to this has my days laid before me. He has given me Dustin to be my partner and knew I could not do this without him. For those women and men who I sat in class with who are doing this alone, I will say a special prayer just for you. For those who do this without Jesus, you will get one too. And, for those couples who are struggling with every bit of this process, you are included as well. I praise God for the opportunity to serve, minister to, and love these precious babies who Satan has stolen so much from. May those children be restored. May God use my home to do this in.

Understanding

We started our training classes this week. Where were these in college? I am not sure why exactly some of these fundamental behavioral theories and research were NEVER presented to a college student about to become a teacher. So many mistakes are made on a daily basis and yet, the very adults who spend the majority of their day with these kids are never introduced to the reasons why they act the way they do. Furthermore, they are never instructed on the appropriate ways to handle discipline in regards to them. It is frustrating to see both sides of it and I wish  more parents, teachers, and administrators could and be willing to understand. Last night, our trainer stressed the point, "It is not about you" over and over again. The behaviors we will encounter often have nothing to do with us. If we are willing to take "us" out of it; remove our emotions and reactions to the behaviors and things spoken, we can begin to see these kids as scared, traumatized, abused/neglected, and they simply do not know what to do with their new circumstances. Isn't this true of so many situations? We would never ask a dog owner to rescue a dog who had been abused and expect the dog to automatically be social, loving, and to be our best friend. On the contrary, we expect the dog to be withdrawn, shake, hide, etc. Yet, somehow, society/professionals/people decided that since humans can speak and communicate, we should expect more out of them. How very, very wrong we were. How very heart breaking for these kids who have had so much to deal with, now be expected to behave in a manner that is "normal". This lesson alone is enough to stop and re-evaluate how we treat one another.

I have found in the past couple of months, I cannot be angry with the parents of these children. Most of them are simply products of their environment who do not know how to break the cycle. In the VERY same way we want God's grace and forgiveness, I must extend the same sentiment to these parents who have done so much wrong. And most of all, being angry does nothing but plant seeds that take years to root out. I realized a month or so ago that I never would want to be the person to keep a child and parent separated. I want the parent to get their life in order, find Jesus, and take the steps to get their child back. There is always the desire in every child's heart to be with their mother or father, no matter how bad the situation. When they are young, if it is all they know, then how do they know it is bad? In the way some root for the underdog, so do I for these parents to make a comeback. If God's grace is sufficient for my transgressions, is it not the same for these people? Some parents will not be able to have their children back, for those, I pray God works in their life in such a manner, that they are one day given a second chance and will succeed. I know most of these people will never want to hear Jesus' name or try to better their lives, for those people, I pray I am a good steward of their child. I pray I am able to be the parent they need and deserve.

Grace

It amazes me all we have to do to become verified parents. I am also convinced having one on your own is just too simple. It too should come with required reading, forms, documentation, trainings, inspections, guidelines, rule books, case workers, fingerprinting, background checks, applications, the list goes on. Aren't we lucky to serve such a gracious God who does not ask or require any of these things to receive the baby many of you are holding today? The very creator who created you loves you so much He breathed life into your womb. You had no forms, no requirements, no stipulations. As I held my precious one day old niece today, I thought about how Amber and Jason were changed forever, all because of one breath. My oldest sister was given twins, when the doctors said she would have none. My two oldest nieces were given to us and we were never the same. If God wasn't the author of these lives and ours, none of these births would have mattered, would have been precious, would have affected us at all. I think about this daily as we are filling out a form, reading the pages of a book, or anticipating the "next step". I am so humbled to be doing this. I don't know who God has appointed for us in this first placement. He knew from the minute he/she was created we would be apart of their life forever. He thought so much of us and them, He set into motion our meeting. It is much easier for God to breath life into my womb, but there is someone who needs us right now. There is a prayer going to be prayed, if it hasn't already and we are the answer to it. I in turn, will be praying for them.